with author Jackie Morgan MacDougall
do you regret your child's name? groupon will name the next one!
When I was pregnant with my first child, a boy, we wanted a name that was classic, yet cool, something that would fit well for a baby as well as a grown man, and could be abbreviated into something cool. Enter Jacob. What we didn't realize was that in 2004, Jacob had already been the most popular name in the U.S. for four straight years and was on target for making it to the number one spot for eleven years in a row, according to U.S. Social Security Administration. Don't get all mad and tell me that regretting my name choice says something about who I am as a mother. I would just like, for one day, to go to Disneyland or the grocery store and not have 20 kids turn around when I call my son's name.
It seems if I were pregnant right now, I could just use Groupon to name my baby. Say what? That's right, the popular coupon site has a deal where you can leave the moniker decision to them, for the low, low price of $1000 (which, strangely enough, is no less than the $1000 value they put on the job). Assuming it's a joke, it's one that leaves me thinking "I don't get it."
From Groupon.com: A rose by any other name would smell as sweet, but a baby that isn't named by Groupon smells like missed opportunity. Spray your infant with the perfume of success with this Groupon. All too often, the importance of a child's name takes a backseat to other "needs" such as food, shelter, and clothing. Groupon, the World's Foremost Authority in Baby Naming™, has stepped up to address this issue. Upon your child's birth, Groupon will relieve you of the burden of naming your baby by bestowing a specially selected, custom first name upon your infant son or daughter. Purchasers will e-mail Groupon with their voucher number, and we will e-mail you back with a name for your child based on the name's aesthetic value and for how it might look emblazoned on a trophy one day—for a child named by Groupon will grow tall and proud, and he or she will be a beacon of hope in a world that is in such desperate need of one. Don't settle for non-Groupon-approved names such as Kevin or Bridget—let us gift your sweet child with a moniker for the ages.
I have to admit, I feel so much better. Because while I wish I had chosen a name a wee bit less popular for my first born, I can rest assured knowing I didn't do something like buy a name from Groupon.