is long distance love just a far-fetched dream?
Guest Blogger and Friend of Ricki Yvonne Chase: The other day I had a conversation with one of my Twitter followers about her long distance relationship. It’s been eight months since they’ve seen each other because he lives in Paris and she lives in Tennessee. She says “he’s my soul mate.” I cringed when I heard the word soul mate -- that one word makes women quit their jobs, empty out their bank accounts and end up clueless in Kansas.
According to her, she met him while walking across a bridge in Paris. Doesn’t that sound romantic, like something you’d see at the movies? Reminds me of that scene from Sex and the City when Miranda and Steve met in the middle of the Brooklyn Bridge to forgive each other and move forward in their marriage. Awww…isn’t that sweet?!
Okay, now back to reality. I don’t know if this man is her soul mate or not but here’s what I do know: long distance relationships only work when one of you is willing to move. Neither she nor her “soul mate” are financially able to move at this time. That’s clue number one to me that he might not be her soul mate. She says, "When we Skype, I feel it. I’ve always wanted to live in Europe for at least a year. However, it's kind of hard to find a job overseas when you live across the pond. In order to make that move, I would need to sell my home, which I need to sell anyway."
Here’s what I told her and what I’m telling you if you’re in a long distance relationship and contemplating making a big move:
Move because you want to, not for the relationship. Sometimes relationships work best because they are long distance and are a totally different story once you’re all up in each other’s neck. Be okay with the fact that your relationship could end once you make the move. Skype is cute. Reality is reality.
Make sure he lives in a city or country where you can find work, pursue your professional pursuits, make friends and have a good quality of life. You need to be able to stand the place (independent of him) just in case the relationship doesn't work out. And if it does work out, you need to know that, together and separately, you can create a great life there.
Back to my friend. Her “soul mate” is unemployed at the moment and needs a green card to make the move to America. According to her, that would be cheaper than her move to Paris. I say, "When it's right, it's right," it should all come together naturally. Selling your house and moving across the country to be with someone you haven’t seen in eight months doesn’t sit well with me. Does it sit well with you?
Here's where you come in: Would you move across the pond to be with someone you haven’t seen in eight months? What do you think of the word soul mate? And most of all, What would YOU do if you were in her shoes?
Yvonne Chase aka The Single Woman’s Cheerleader is a Dating & Relationship Coach to Singles and Pre-Couples. Her #1 mission is to create a movement of available and happy single women who enter relationships out of want, not need, as well as cut the divorce rate by teaching women how to date smart. Get more from Yvonne at YvonneChase.com.